How do you talk to your child about what they see online?
Child development image: Pixabay
From skincare and manosphere videos to in-game chat: children are growing up in a world that is not always visible to parents. Child development expert Marga Sikkema-de Jong explains how the online world affects children and how to talk to them about what they see.
Many children watch online videos, play games or use social media from a young age. Unlike the offline world, there is no gradual introduction to the online one. There’s no safe playground where children can slowly be given more freedom. ‘It’s the whole world at once, says Marga Sikkema-de Jong, Professor of Digital Education and Child Development.
Other perspectives fade online
As children spend more time online, their interactions there become increasingly important for their development. They learn how things work online, but often in a one-sided way. Although the online world is vast, children only see a small part of it.
Social media and other platforms are powered by algorithms. ‘They tend to show more of the same’, Sikkema-de Jong explains. ‘As a result, other perspectives become less visible, while differing opinions are pushed into the background, when this exposure is essential for developing sound judgment.’
She believes this places demands on parents and educators, such as teachers. They need to be more actively involved in fostering critical thinking than in the past. But how can you talk to your child about what they see and experience online?
Curiosity and engagement
Unfortunately, there’s no simple solution. It all starts with unconditional trust, Sikkema-de Jong explains. ‘You don’t build that trust overnight. It develops from an early age and takes time. Children need to know they can talk to you, even when you disagree. The key is to respond consistently: not responding angrily one day and being understanding the next.’
Curiosity and engagement are the driving forces behind conversations about the online world, says Sikkema-de Jong. ‘Ask what your child likes about particular videos or websites. Try to understand what appeals to them. You don’t have to agree. If your child makes choices you feel sure about, simply forbidding them rarely helps. It’s better to discuss how you both see it.’
Sense of judgment
Ultimately, children need to learn to form their own views about online content. We often hear that children and young people should develop critical thinking, but says Sikkema-de Jong, less about how this can be achieved. ‘It’s not a skill you can switch on instantly. It develops through background knowledge, language skills and digital literacy: understanding who is saying what, for what purpose and from which source.’
Sikkema-de Jong emphasises that we cannot prevent all online (or offline) problems, but highlights what we can do. ‘As adults, we can aim to be a safe haven for children when something happens online that is not okay.’
Tips
The professor offers several tips for parents and educators on discussing children’s online activities:
- Start conversations from a place of curiosity rather than mistrust. Show that you genuinely want to understand what your child is doing.
- Look for patterns rather than isolated incidents. A single shocking video may not mean much; repetition and narrowing perspectives do.
- Stay involved. Monitor in moderation and set clear boundaries, especially for young children.
- Introduce other perspectives without rushing to judge. Say, for example: ‘You could also look at it like this. What do you think?’
- Be approachable, predictable and safe. When children feel safe, they are more likely to share their online experiences.
- Practise talking with children about what they do, from an early age. If they learn early on that they can share their experiences, both online and offline, you lay the foundation for openness and trust in later life.