Making connection

Connecting with yourself

Self awareness

You are aware of your own strengths, weaknesses, motives and beliefs and your effect on others.

What do you do?

Frequently evaluate your own approach and behaviour – what works well, and what could you do better or differently?
Create an overview of your strengths and weaknesses, and ask others what they do or do not recognise.
Explore what motivates you: Is it status, performance, helping others, or a sense of belonging?
Investigate your positive or negative beliefs, such as ‘what I cannot do yet, I can learn’ or ‘I’m not allowed to make mistakes’.

What do you find difficult?

“I’m not used to thinking about these kinds of things; how can I apply this in my daily work?”
“I’ve taught myself to do things in a certain way, and I find it hard to change.”
“I’m sometimes surprised by how people respond to me or how they see me.”
“I’m not entirely clear on what I find important or what motivates me.”

Dealing with your emotions

You recognise and understand your own emotions, and you are able to deal with them in a positive way.

What do you do?

Explore which emotions you do or do not express, which emotions you find OK and which you see as weak, bad or negative.
When you are angry, tense, or irritated, ask yourself: Where does this come from? Is this something I should - or want to - do something about here and now?
If someone does something that upsets you, take a moment to feel what emotion this triggers in you.

What do you find difficult?

“When I feel irritated or insecure, I sometimes cannot remain calm and I lose control of my emotions.”
“I often suppress my feelings and prefer not to share them with others.”
“Some people or situations bring out the worst in me.”

Communication

You communicate clearly with others in an authentic way.

What do you do?

Communicate your message clearly.
Be honest and consistent in your communication – what you say is in line with your intentions and your actions.
Use words that the other person understands and avoid unnecessary jargon.
Support your message with your posture and gestures.
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What do you find difficult?

“I’m not always aware of my posture, intonation, or facial expression when I talk to others.”
“I can be vague or unstructured in my communication, as a result of which my message or intention fails to come across.”
“In a difficult conversation or when I have to call someone out on their behaviour, I find it hard to be direct and clear.”

Assertiveness

You stand up for your own needs, opinions or interests, with respect for yourself and others.

What do you do?

Pause for a moment and be aware of your thoughts and emotions in a difficult situation.
Express what you feel, think, and want or don’t want in a calm, open and respectful way.
Be open about not understanding something or disagreeing with someone.
Ask for help if something doesn’t work out or is too difficult or too much to do on your own.
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What do you find difficult?

“Because I’m afraid of other people’s criticism or want to avoid a confrontation, I don’t easily express my opinion.”
“I find it hard to set my boundaries, and say no or ask for help.”
“I often feel like a victim of the situation, and am unable to see what I can do to change it.”
“I always try to take others into account, even at my own expense.”

Connecting with others

Empathy

In your contact with others you show that you understand their feelings, attitude and motives and that you are open to that.

What do you do?

Make the other person feel at ease, and listen or ask questions without a value judgment.
Listen with your full attention to the feelings and needs of the person you are in a conversation with in the moment.
Make eye contact, pay attention to non-verbal signals such as posture, facial expression or breathing and name what you see.
Ask what the other person needs right now.

What do you find difficult?

“I can come across as formal or distant.”
“I often don’t know how to respond when someone gets emotional.”
“I find it difficult to be understanding when I completely disagree with the other person or when the other person blames me for something.”
“My tendency is to help the other person by offering solutions or advice or by putting things into perspective.”

Show interest

You are curious about others, listen actively and show an interest in what motivates and concerns others.

What do you do?

Encourage others to share their thoughts by asking open questions, summarising and asking follow-up questions.
Show that you are listening through eye contact, an open attitude and encouraging gestures or sounds.
Show interest in important life events for your colleague and their views and try to understand these.
Make sure that you can give your time and full attention to the conversation by setting aside your own agenda and avoiding distractions.

What do you find difficult?

“In my mind, I’m already busy with the next question or with my own thoughts, which prevents me from listening with an open mind.”
“I often interrupt someone in a conversation because I want to ask or check something.”
“I don’t really have enough time and space to give a colleague my full attention.”
“People don’t tell me much about themselves and I find it difficult to initiate conversations about this.”

Feedback

You challenge yourself and others to engage in self-reflection and to learn by asking for and giving constructive feedback.

What do you do?

Ask someone to give you specific feedback based on an experience or situation.
Ask other people for personal feedback on what you could do differently, and what you should continue to do.
Point out other people’s ineffective behaviour – what you saw and felt, and what effect it had on you. Leave room for silence, emotions, and questions.
Give positive feedback in the form of a personal, genuine and concrete compliment.

What do you find difficult?

“I find it stressful to ask someone for feedback about myself.”
“I tend to always look at what people could do better; I don’t often given positive feedback or compliments.”
“I find it difficult to give someone negative feedback, and therefore tend to procrastinate or avoid doing it.”
“How do I make sure that the feedback I give strengthens rather than hinder our work relationship?”

Connect with your team

Work climate

You ensure a working environment where everyone can be themselves, feels treated equally and is addressed with respect.

What do you do?

Actively encourage everyone to contribute their perspectives, thoughts, and opinions, and express your understanding and appreciation for this.
Engage in dialogue with your team about team values, way of working, or role division, and make team agreements.
Share your own doubts, mistakes, and pitfalls and ask for help and feedback from team members.
Show appreciation when others are open and honest, and dare to speak up to you or to each other.

What do you find difficult?

“I mostly have one-on-one contact with the people in my team, and I’m less focused on the group as a whole, or how we work together.”
“I have clear opinions, and I don’t always leave enough room for opinions and ideas that are different.”
“In my team, people don’t usually resolve friction or issues themselves, but instead come to me for solutions.”
“I find it difficult to show vulnerability to the people in my team.”

Support and attention

You give support to the people in the team and you pay attention to everyone's well-being.

What do you do?

Offer support to a team member after a setback, when something didn’t work out or when someone made a mistake.
Be approachable and available and offer your help when this can benefit someone.
Frequently ask team members how they are doing, about their work-life balance and if they need anything from you.

What do you find difficult?

“I sometimes miss signals from people when they don’t feel well, for example due to too high work pressure or because something is going on in their private life.”
“When I’m under pressure myself, I have little space or attention for the people in my team.”

Talent development

You are aware of the ambitions, talents and development areas of each team member, and you stimulate them to achieve their full potential.

What do you do?

Discuss the ambitions, qualities, and development of your team member, and create a development plan together.
Give people concrete challenges and opportunities to learn new things and gain experience.
Have coach conversations and provide clear and constructive feedback on someone’s achievements or new learning experiences.

What do you find difficult?

“I find it difficult to find time and focus to talk about someone’s development or career.”
“I advise or tell people about what I think is best, instead of helping them to find their own way.”
“If there is no next career step for a person, or if they have unrealistic expectations, I don’t really know what do to.”
“I find it difficult to give someone a task that they have never done before, because things could go wrong.”

Building relationships

You initiate and strengthen the team’s interactions and connections with others, both within and outside of the department and organisation.

What do you do?

Make contact with others outside your own department for inspiration, problem-solving, or to learn from each other.
Stimulate initiatives or projects that involve collaboration with employees from other departments or organisations.
Devote time and attention to creating a personal relationship with people with whom your team works a lot.

What do you find difficult?

“My contact with people outside my team is more ad hoc, and tends to focus on organising things and solving problems.”
“I often find joint projects with other teams or departments complex or slow and I prefer to do things myself.”
“Where would I find the time for networking or knowledge sharing?”

Connecting with the organisation

Ambassador

You connect yourself and the organisation you lead with the vision and mission of Leiden University and convey what we stand for.

What do you do?

Make choices and set priorities that contribute to the strategic goals of the university.
Take part in external networks, initiatives, and partnerships as a representative of Leiden University.
Study the vision and core values of the university, explore what these mean to you and bring them to the attention of your organisation.

What do you find difficult?

“The university as an organisation feels far removed from me; I identify more with my faculty, institute or department.”
“If I have to choose, I prefer to devote my time to the content of the work of my own organisation than external activities or meetings.”

Role model

You facilitate open discussion of controversial issues and act as a role model for our core values.

What do you do?

Share your thoughts and ideas unasked, especially when there is resistance or when it would be easier not to do so.
Be aware of the impact your behaviour and decisions have on the people in the organisation.
Act consistently and in line with the core values of the university and be personally accountable for your actions.
Openly and honestly address behaviour and values in your organisation, paying attention to dilemmas and challenges, including your own.

What do you find difficult?

“I sometimes regret not raising an issue when it was the right thing to do.”
“I find it difficult to call my colleagues out on behaviour that is not OK.”
“When I’m under pressure, I have a tendency to adapt or choose the path of least resistance.”
“I’m not always aware of the impact of what I say and do, and the example this sets for others.”

Servant leadership

You prioritise the interests of others and the organisation; identify what is needed to look after them and act accordingly.

What do you do?

Openly support goals and decisions that are good for the entire organisation and the long term, even if their effect in the short term is not positive.
Consider where you can make the most valuable contribution as a leader. What is the best way to serve the people and the organisation?
Give others praise, compliments and recognition for their performance and put their interests first.

What do you find difficult?

“My attention goes primarily to the goals and interests of my own team or department; I feel less connected with those of the organisation as a whole.”
“I’m often insufficiently aware of other people’s interests because I am so passionate about what I want to contribute and achieve.”
“I’m so focused on what others need that I sometimes neglect my own needs.”